Overcoming Insecurities: When You Just Don't Feel Like You Are Enough

            Insecure: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; not confident about yourself 
                         or your ability to do things well; nervous and uncomfortable.
 
Those words above display some of the same emotions that we all have either felt at one point in our lives or are potentially feeling right now. So many of us are suffering in silence because of our insecurities. Maybe it's because you can't find the words to tell others what's really going on in your heart or you may feel like either no one will really understand or care. Or maybe pride is holding you back from dealing with the real issue at heart. Whatever it is be honest with yourself and then make a decision to tackle whatever insecurity you are facing. We can no longer walk around defeated and uncomfortable in the skin that God has given us. In general, it seems that we have gotten so used to putting up a facade and painting pretty pictures of our lives on social media that we no longer know how to "keep it real" with each other. So we fall into the trap of coveting and comparing our lives to others and, as a result, grow more and more unhappy with who God has called and made us to be by the day. We have got to stop this!!!! I pray that through this blog you will gain a better understanding of just how valuable you are to Jesus Christ and that He has a plan for your life that does not involve you feeling hopeless or worthless. That He wants to fill the voids in your heart and show you just how worthy and precious you are in His sight. Your validation comes from Him and Him alone.


Imagine waking up every morning and having to figure out which lie you were going to have portray today. Being afraid to truly be yourself because you didn't want to be rejected. Being jealous and envious of others who seemed to be so confident and have it all together. Fronting like you are this perfect person when deep down inside you were full of hurt, loneliness, and ultimately brokenness. No matter how hard you tried you can't find worth in yourself. At times you wonder why you are even alive. What's the point? If you died no one would even care. Yet you continue to chose to put up a front and pretend that your life is perfect to the outside world when inside you feel broken, confused, lost, and purposeless. So you find your identity in school, dance, your friends, random guys, and in your hair. You are afraid of change because that means you have to figure out who you are all over again. So you play it safe. You don't take risks. You you live a very predictable life because you feel the need to be in control. People have let you down in the past so you stay guarded up and never really let anyone get to know the real you. But how can you? You don't even know who the real you is because you have been putting up a front for so long. Pretending to be someone who never really has serious problems to fit some ideal image that you feel the need to portray.



If you haven't figured it out already that above person I described above used to me. I wasn't comfortable with who I was nor did I like who I was. I wished my hair was straighter or that I had money to wear the latest fashions. I hated my smile, my body's shape, and the way my nose looked. I used to have mini anxiety attacks all the time over my identity. I stressed out constantly about how people were perceiving me. I didn't look like the girls in the movies, TV shows, or magazines and I was trying to live up to some idea standard of beauty that doesn't even exist. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I would even wash my hands in the bathroom with the lights off just so I didn't have to look at myself. In my dance classes my teachers were constantly telling me to stop looking at the floor. I believe the bulk of my insecurities started in 10th grade when I first attended public school (I was home schooled up until then) and people would "jokingly" pick on me for "being different" or talk about the way I was raised. This only added fuel to the insecurities that I was already feeling as a girl going through puberty and trying to figure my way through this world. This also caused me to be super cautious about who I could trust. I became closed off emotionally, so guarded, and a professional at people-pleasing. People would give me compliments and I remember hearing lies that they were just saying that stuff to be nice. That it couldn't really be true. I hated taking pictures of myself or being the center of attention (I actually still slightly have a problem with that. I would much rather be behind the scenes). I went through a brief period in college in which I was super judgmental, critical, and full of pride. You ever heard the expression that "hurt people, hurt people?" Well it's so true. On top of that I worried to the point that when I graduated college I should have gotten a degree in worry instead of a BFA in dance. Despite all my accomplishments in school, dance, and life in general I still never felt good enough. My greatest desire became to "fit in" and feel accepted. The crazy thing is that you would have never known it from the smile that was always on my face. I mean not even my family or closest friends at the time knew.

Looking back I recognize how much of a HOT MESS my life was. I know now that all of those feelings stemmed from me not knowing who and whose I was. I didn't really like who I was because I placed my security & identity in everything and anyone except the only one who is the same yesterday, today, and forever: Jesus Christ. I didn't have a true, intimate relationship with God. It was surface level at most. Yes, I still prayed daily, went to church, read my Bible, etc. (mostly out of religious obligation not true devotion) but instead of renewing my mind with God's Word I spent more time watching, listening to, and reading things that supported materialism, greed, perfectionism, etc. So I was pretty much setting myself up to lose the battle daily. The enemy was able to convince me that I was worthless and put so many crazy thoughts into my head because I wasn't putting on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6: 10-18). I was trying to find validation in people and things that couldn't fill the true void that had grown so deep in my heart.

Eventually I got to the lowest of lows and could no longer take it anymore. I was tired of putting on an act. I was tired of feeling worthless and ashamed of who I was. I was tired of feeling enslaved to the opinions of others. I was tired of always trying to "fit in" and somehow always coming up short. It was at that point of full brokenness that I cried out to God. He met me right there at that moment of surrender and immediately begin to show me just how beautiful I was. How precious I was. He begin to mend my heart and restore the joy that I had as a child. He begin to restore the confidence that I lost somewhere during those teenage years. It was such a new feeling. I had heard people compliment me all my life but it wasn't until God himself spoke to me and said "Cierra, I love and you are so beautiful to me" that I actually believed it. I begin to spend hours upon hours of time with God just swallowing up His presence and allowing Him to remove all the labels that I had accepted over the years that were completely contrary to the truth. He showed me that before before I was even born He had a plan for my life. That I wasn't a mistake. I had purpose.

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written. The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.
                                                                 Psalm 139:13-16

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." 

Ephesians 2:10 

"Therefore, come out from among unbelievers,
    and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord.
Don’t touch their filthy things,
    and I will welcome you. And I will be your Father,
    and you will be my sons and daughters,
   says the Lord Almighty."

2 Corinthians 6:17-18 

  That as His daughter, His validation was all that I needed. That Jesus Christ went to the cross and died so that I may have life and freedom to be the woman that He designed me to be. I wasn't supposed to "fit in". That He had called me to live a set-apart life from this world. The more I spent time seeking after God, the more He began to show me that beauty is not about the external but about what's on the inside. Scriptures like 1 Peter 3:3-4 really began to take root in my heart:

 "Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."

 
Sis, truth be told no amount of makeup, designer handbags, or fancy clothes can fill that void in your heart. Nor will a job, money, sex, husband, family, friends, fame, etc. They won't help you to overcome your insecurities. You need a relationship with Jesus Christ. God wants you. Yes, YOU!! He wants your heart and your life to be filled with His presence. For you not to care about this world and it's selective standard of beauty. It literally breaks His heart to see His daughters (amazing masterpieces) walking around in defeat because they have believed the lies of society. We were all created uniquely by God with different gifts and talents, shapes, looks, sizes, personalities, character traits, etc., to ultimately accomplish His Will. There's a reason why you look the way you look. Why you have the hair texture and color you have. Why you have the lips, nose, eyes, legs, and butt that you have. It's so important that you stay in your own lane and don't compare your life or your journey to anyone else's. If you are so focused on what God is or isn't doing in someone else's life you may just miss the opportunity or blessing that God wants to administer to you. (Another blog topic for another time). How He wants to work in and through you to reach others and help to advance His Kingdom.

 
So if you are reading this and currently dealing with low self-esteem issues or insecurities just know that you don't have to be enslaved to those issues any longer. God is waiting to heal you, make you whole, and show you just how much He loves and cares for you! Seek after Him wholeheartedly. Take your cares, worries, problems and issues to Him first. He's ready to forgive you of your past and give you a new future, a new heart, a new life!!! It's up to you to surrender all your broken pieces to Him and let him rebuild you from the bottom up. To let Him be Lord over your life!!! To truly let go and let God! Get into the habit of spending time DAILY with Him and get into His Holy Word. A great blog from Heather Lindsey on spending time with God. PRAY WITHOUT CEASING. Go to the furthest extreme to guard your heart against anything that causes you to feel inferior or worthless.

And remember this:
You are beautiful simply because you are you. Not because your parents said so, your boyfriend/spouse told you, or your friends mention it. Not because you may have designer clothes, purses, shoes, or makeup. You are beautiful because the Almighty God created you. It doesn't matter what the world's standard of beauty is. You are unique and special to God and He loves you so much. So stop beating yourself up because you don't look like the girls in the media and learn to love yourself for who you are because you are so precious and valuable in God's eyes.
 

 
I don't want those of you reading this blog to think that now that I know my worth in Christ that I am somehow perfect or live a perfect life. There are still some days when I wake up and don't feel pretty or start to compare my body to other females I may see. There are a days when I would rather just hide under a rock because I don't like my hair or I think my nose looks too big. When I feel inadequate to complete the tasks set before me. But here's the difference. Now instead of letting myself get defeated and believing those lies, I immediately turn to Scripture and cast down those types of thoughts as the Bible instructs us to in 2 Corinthians 10:5. I remind myself that God created me on purpose and for a purpose. He doesn't make mistakes and delights in His handiwork. That I'm special, valuable, precious in His sight and there is no one else like me. That He delights in me. His thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand. The same goes for YOU. YOU ARE ENOUGH! When He sent His one and only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for your sins He was thinking about you. Jesus willingly went to the cross and took the death that you deserved to cover all of YOUR SINS, INSECURITIES, SHORTCOMINGS, FAILURES, & MISTAKES!!! I can't reiterate how much God longs for you to choose to believe and trust in Him more than anyone or anything else. Break free from the stereotypes and lies that the media, society, friends, family, co-workers, boyfriends, and teachers may have told you about yourself and embrace the fearfully and wonderfully made woman that you were created to be!!! Stay focused on pleasing Him alone and don't let anyone distract you from the life that God has called you to live.

I want to leave you with this wonderful video that one of my sisters in Christ showed me a few months ago!!!

"True beauty is from the inside. When a woman is beautiful inside, she will have a certain glow, a comeliness, a charm about her. She will exude enthusiasm and confidence. She will possess a certain self-assurance and contentment. The outward beauty of a woman is only a mirror of the inward ageless loveliness of her heart and soul..."
 

Just in case no one else has told you today, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

Cierra xoxo 

As always feel free to email me at cierracotton@gmail.com and/or follow me on Instagram at  
                             lovepeacejoy__1 (that's a double underscore. God loves you!!!