Why I'm Waiting To Have Sex Until Marriage

My name is Cierra, I'm 25 years old, and a virgin by choice! As crazy as it may sound to some, I am actually waiting until marriage to have sex. Why you may ask? Well keep reading to find out!

*Let me start off by saying that if you have had sex in the past with someone who was not your spouse this blog's purpose is not to condemn you. It's main purpose to encourage those who are virgins and those waiting until marriage to have sex. Prayerfully if any of you are currently sleeping with someone, that is not your spouse, my heart's desire is that this will help you see why God's way is better. I fully believe that God can redeem anyone from their sexual past and give them the strength to walk in celibacy. It's never too late to dedicate or rededicate your life to the Lord, as long as you are breathing, and begin anew. As heads up though, this post will be written from the perspective of someone who is a virgin. Also no, I don't think I'm better than other people who have engaged in premarital sex because I understand that it's only by God's grace that I'm still holding onto my virginity. *

To be honest I've been struggling for weeks about whether or not to post this blog. Some people believe that topics like this are private information and shouldn't be discussed, but I answer to God and my life is not my own. I mean it's literally been on my heart for months. I've started and stopped writing so many times that I was just about to give up. Even as I sit here right now I'm fighting to not get frustrated because blogger won't let me save it and keeps giving me an error message. But after encouragement from dear friends of mine, I know that the greater the opposition the greater the need so clearly someone out there needs to read this. Plus obedience is better than sacrifice so here we go...

 Purity- freedom from immorality, especially of a sexual nature; freedom from adulteration or contamination.

My choice to be pure and remain a virgin until marriage has always been something that I knew I wanted to do. When I was younger I just didn't fully understand why it was so important, like I do now. I grew up in the church and was home schooled until the 10th grade and wasn't around many guys.  When I started to attend high school my eyes and ears were opened up to so much, both bad and good!! Throughout my years in high school I remember telling guys, that were interested in me, that I wasn't giving up my virginity unless they married me. Super bold for a 15yr old, right? As you can imagine I didn't have that many guys checking for me. Marriage was the last thing from most of their minds and there were plenty of girls who were willing to give it up. The pressure was definitely there but I was super blessed to have the right friends in high school and college who were also abstaining from sex and we kept each other accountable. Every one knew that we were virgins and committed to stay that way. Oh and let me say it's not like I was never gave into temptation in high school or college. I can recall a couple of times when I placed myself in situations that could and should have ended up in me losing my virginity. Times when I let a guy fondle my body and touch areas he shouldn't have had access too. Times when I entertained inappropriate late night phone calls from boys. Times when I watched movies with a guy and the movie ended up watching us. I was so insecure and looking for love and acceptance in all the wrong places and feeling guilty all the while. I had this crazy notion that as long as I didn't have sex then I was fine, not knowing that along the way I was sinning and opening myself up to the spirit of lust. I had no idea that remaining "pure" meant in my mind and heart as well. No one had ever taught me any different. All I had heard was don't have sex until marriage but I didn't know that my body was off limits in every single way. That my body had been bought with a price and it belonged to the Lord. That engaging in foreplay was a sin. I had never read the part in my Bible that said:

"Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Or don't you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:18-20.

I'm not excusing my actions just stating the facts. I was sinning against God and in the process separating myself from Him. The amazing thing is that each and every time God always intervened in some way. He was always looking out for and protecting me even when I was caught up in my sin and continually making poor choices. That realization alone makes me want to stop and worship Him forever and dedicate my entire life to Him as a living sacrifice!!! *Thank you God for your mercy and saving grace*

Now I can't pinpoint the exact moment but about 2.5 years I decided that I was done and that the next man that would touch my body or even kiss me would be my future husband. It hadn't been often and I had never interacted in that way with more than maybe 2-3 guys total, but looking back that was 2-3 guys too many. I was convicted of my actions so it was time to confess my sin, truly repent, and begin anew!!! I started my journey of walking in complete purity by buying myself a ring and recommitting my life to Jesus. God began to show me that when my heart and mind are pure, my actions will always reflect that. That I deserved a man that was going to honor my purity and cherish me the way He designed.

My purity ring, which is my daily reminder that I'm honoring God with my body and not having sex until marriage

 There are some major blessings and benefits of choosing to wait until sex to have marriage:

• Your virginity will be given to man that is committed to cherishing, keeping, and protecting you in marriage; instead of someone that will trample, misuse, and then most likely leave you.
• You receive God's blessing over your marriage.
• You protect yourself from sinning against your own body.
• You protect yourself from unnecessary emotional pain when the relationship ends.
• You protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases that could affect you, your future husband, and your ability to have children.
• You protect yourself from unwanted pregnancies.
• You protect yourself from soul-ties. Every time you have sex with someone you are joining yourself with that person and creating a tie to them in your soul. You end up leaving a little piece of yourself with each and every person that you sleep with. When you wait you are able to give your whole self to your spouse.
• You protect yourself from making an emotionally led decision about whom you choose to marry. Physical intimacy outside of marriage clouds your judgement. 
• You protect yourself from condemnation from the enemy. 

You see God is so good and so great that He understands the dangers of what premarital sex can cause to our bodies, minds, and souls. He doesn't tell us to withhold from sex outside of marriage to ruin our fun but to protect us. 

"God does not intend to deny you pleasure. He protects you so that you may enjoy physical health, emotional stability, relational intimacy, and spiritual blessings. If you marry, He wants you to grow more in love with your husband with each passing year. He wants you to live in complete trust of one another and spend a lifetime in love instead of the consequences of a fleeting night uncontrolled lust."

-Jackie Kendall

 

Throughout my life, people (mainly women) have asked me "what if when you get married your husband is a 'bad sex' partner?" Let me be straight with you: marriage is more than sex and I don't need to test drive before I commit. I am not a car on a parking lot. If He is who God wants me to be with then it doesn't matter. My future husband and I will have our WHOLE ENTIRE LIVES to figure out what pleases the other most as we "active worship." Also truthfully, sex is sex. The only reason why people say sex is good or bad is because they have gone outside of the will of God and engaged with more than one partner. God never intended for us to compare sex partners. You see God has given sex to us as a means of glorifying Him as we fulfill its design for intimacy, procreation, physical pleasure, and comfort. It is a fulfillment of God's created order in marriage between a husband and wife. We actually abuse God's gift of sex when we try to use it outside of His original design. I've also had guys straight up tell me that what I was setting myself up for disaster. That I would eventually lose my virginity so why prolong the process. Thankfully I ignored their foolish comments and kept it moving. What is crazy is that there was a time in history when abstaining from sex until marriage was the norm. In Biblical times, women were severely punished and even at times stoned to death if they were found not be virgins. Even just a few centuries ago, people used to see sex as something that was honorable and reserved only for a husband and a wife. It represented commitment. Nowadays it's no big deal for a person to have multiple sex partners in and outside of marriage.We live in such a sex-saturated culture that you can't even turn on the TV or radio, go to the movies, and sometimes even walk down the street without encountering it in some way. We have gotten so far away from God's standards of holiness and righteousness, as a society, that many of the things that appear to be right are wrong and many of things that appear to be wrong are right. That's why it is so important to renew our minds every single day:

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."-Romans 12:1-2

It doesn't matter if you are a virgin and 14, 18, 21, 27, 30, or 35+. I want to encourage you to keep holding onto God's standard of purity and save yourself for your future husband. As I have heard some people say "no wed, no bed." I'm actually excited to one day to be able to tell my future husband despite all the temptations and ridicule I waited for you!!! To be able to tell my one-day children that mom waited for dad!!
                                   


Maybe you are reading this and saying okay I agree with what you are saying but how do I stay pure in such a sex-saturated culture and world? Here's a few tips that are in no way law, but have helped and are currently helping me.

1. Get in the Word of God DAILY!!! The more you spend time in God's presence, through reading of the Bible, the less you will be prone to be led by your flesh. Our spirit and flesh are constantly at war against each other. The more you feed your spirit the more it's power and presence in your life grows. The more you feed your flesh the more it grows.

"The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions." Galatians 5:17 

2. Worship! It's literally impossible for you to worship and entertain sinful and sexual thoughts at the same time. When you begin to open your mouth and worship you enter into the presence of God, which is pure and holy. I heard a women once say try singing "Our God Is Greater" and see if your desires don't start to change. Your focus will automatically shift from you to God.


3.  GUARD YOUR HEART!! Pretty much if you put garbage in, you'll get garbage out. Get rid of all the secular music that promotes lust and sex. Stop watching those movies where all the actors do is have sex and sleep with multiple partners. Stop reading those blogs, magazines, and articles that talk about sex. All you are doing is planting seeds in your heart and the more you listen, hear, and see it the more desensitized you become to it. Guarding your heart is serious business. As a single woman, even though I'm a virgin, I recognize that some things just aren't beneficial for me. For example, last winter a movie called "The Best Man's Holiday" came out and I was like oh I should go see it. Then God straight up convicted me and said "No" because it wasn't going to be beneficial to where I was in my life. (Each of us is wired differently and our convictions on these types of situations should be from the Lord). I struggled with lust at one point in my life and from seeing the commercials I knew that going to a dark movie theater and seeing that type of interaction just would have been setting myself up for failure. Just be honest with yourself and ask the Lord to show you your limitations. 

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Avoid all perverse talk; stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil." -Proverbs 4:23-27

"You say, "I am allowed to do anything" -- but not everything is helpful. You say, "I am allowed to do anything" -- but not everything is beneficial." -1 Corinthians 10:23-24   "Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts." -2 Timothy 3:22

4. Get plugged into a church home with other believers. Surround yourself with like-minded people that can hold you accountable. Don't run to that girlfriend whose life you know is a train wreck and is going to encourage you to give into your sexual desires. Pray and ask God to bring people around you (I recommend someone of the same gender as you) that you can be transparent with and who can pray with and for you.

 "Not forsaking or neglecting to assemble together [as believers], as is the habit of some people, but admonishing (warning, urging, and encouraging) one another, and all the more faithfully as you see the day approaching."-Hebrews 10:25

5. PRAY!!! Jesus told the disciples to pray in order to overcome temptation.

"Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." -Matthew 26:41

"Do not incline my heart to any evil thing, To practice deeds of wickedness with men who do iniquity."-Psalm 141:4

6. Confess your sins, including lustful thoughts, to the Lord and to your accountability partner(s). The Bible tells us that:

"But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye -- even if it is your good eye -- causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell" -Matthew 5:28-29

"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and

   to cleanse us from all wickedness." -1 John 1:9

          "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."-Hebrews 5:16

7. Fight back against the enemy's lies! Don't allow the enemy to feed you lies that if you wait until marriage to have sex you will never get married and won't be able to have kids. That you will be single forever. You see it's all a mind game. Don't entertain those thoughts!!! The devil will also use others to try and discourage you along the way. You must stay suited up at all times and ask God to help you identify the enemy's work in your life.

 "Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm."-Ephesians 6:11-13 

As I stated before this is what helps me. You may have to add a few things to that list for yourself. All of us have different struggles but ultimately our goal is the same: to honor and bring glory to God in all we do, say, or think. We already have the victory through Christ Jesus, it's just up to us to walk in it!!


If you are a virgin just know that you are not alone. If you are born again virgin you aren't alone either. Please know that any man that is okay with sex before marriage is not for you, even if he claims to be a Christian. You need a man that is going to lead you closer to Christ, not himself. A man that loves the Lord, more than he loves you. A man that has a true personal relationship with The Lord and is led by the Holy Spirit. A man that seeks to honor your purity. Men like that, although seemingly rare, still exist and LOVE the fact that their are actually women in the world waiting on marriage to have sex!!! Don't settle, be encouraged, stand your ground, and stay focused on Christ!! It will be worth the wait!!! Your future husband will be thankful you waited and more importantly God is pleased when we choose to do things His way!!

                                                                        Love,

Cierra xoxo

As always feel free to email me at cierracotton@gmail.com and/or follow me on Instagram at lovepeacejoy__1 (that's a double underscore) or on Facebook. God Bless you!!!