Making The Most Of Your Single Season

                                      

Contrary to the ways the world portrays being single, God designed that season for a reason. To enjoy your life, build a strong relationship with Him, serve, travel, and start to become the individual that he has designed you to be. If you are single, you are not a loser and your standards are not too high. Remember that a God written love story is worth the wait. I know it seems like everyone else around you is either in a relationship, engaged, married, or having kids but don't let that cause you to move ahead of God's timing. Be patient because great things come to those who wait on God.

I'm only 24 and I fully recognize that my views on singleness and marriage are far from the norm or popular but they are Biblical. Our society is into the whole idea of recreational dating and figuring out what you need in a spouse by dating like 15 people throughout your life until you find "the one." Problem is you give each and every person you get into a relationship with a piece of your heart and by the time you do get married you really have nothing left to give.

When I tell people that I am waiting on God to write my love story they always say something along the lines of "Well that's nice but you are going to be waiting forever" or "You are young you need to be out there meeting people and dating. Live your life. Follow your heart." Ladies, please don't let the enemy feed you lies that there aren't any true godly men out there or that God has forgotten about you or that if you wait on God you won't be married until you are too old to have children. If you have the desire to be married, God will fulfill it in His timing. Also don't let the comments of your family, friends or society cause you to get off track or to become discontent with the season that God has you in right now. I'm here to tell you that it's possible to be a single, Christian female and be content during this season!!! My life is living proof of this!!! Have I always been like this? No! Is it because I don't want to get married one day? No! That couldn't be further from the truth. I have a very strong desire to be married but I refuse to let my emotions and desires control me. I'm too busy trying to make the most of my single season! This is such a precious, valuable, and short-term season in our lives. God has helped me to see that while He's busy writing my love story I need to get busy doing something besides waiting for my future spouse to cross my path. That He has things for me to do, people for me to meet, and places for me to go NOW! Not 2 years from now but NOW! In the past 4.5 months I moved to Atlanta from NYC, joined a new church, started babysitting the most adorable baby boy (shout out to Logan), found ways to serve in my church, God's shown me new gifts I didn't realize I had, I started encouraging other women, I teach dance 5 days a week, and have met some of the most amazing and God-fearing people I've ever known. Did this all happen by chance? No! It's because I sought God's guidance and direction and made up in my mind that I wanted to maximize my single season.

A great passage in the Bible about singleness is found in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Paul writes:

"I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him.  But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife.  His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few 
 distractions as possible."

There is a certain amount of freedom that we have as single people that we will never have again once we get married and then start having children. We are literally free to serve the Lord in whatever capacity without restraint!!!  We can hang out with our friends until 4am, travel when we want to, spend our money on whatever we want (within reason, ladies you probably don't need another purse) without having to worry about how it will affect a significant other or children.

Around this time last year I was still living in NYC and God begin to deal with me about being single. He literally told me to stop looking for my husband because #1 He wasn't in NYC #2 It's my future husband's job to find me anyway and #3 I needed to truly be single for a season (for me that meant I had to delete all of the guys numbers in my phone that I used to talk to and get rid of anything that reminded me of them music, movies, old messages, pictures, etc.) He began to show me how much He wanted to spend time with me. To build a strong relationship with Him first before I even thought about a relationship with a human being. I'm going to be honest it was awkward at first for me to sit and talk to God about everything but after time it became the most natural thing. I learned so much about myself just by spending time with God daily!!! When I woke up I started to say good morning Jesus!! How are you?" While I was getting dressed I would ask Jesus what He thought of my outfit. When I was styling my hair I would ask Him what He thought. While I was walking down the street and I felt lonely there were times when I would visualize that He was walking right beside me holding my hand. When I would go grocery shopping I would ask Him what He wanted me to cook. Guess what? He would respond! It was the coolest thing ever. I literally started to ask Him about everything. I would talk to Him as if He were sitting right beside or across from me. Some of my favorite memories of the past year involved me going on dates with Jesus and exploring new museums and restaurants all around the city. If I can't find something the first person I got to is God. No point of me stressing about it when He is all-knowing and already knows where the lost item is. I learned quickly that God cares about every single detail of my life from where I live, who I'm friends with, where I work, where I go to church, how I dress, how I talk, how I act, what I eat, etc.

God also began to show me that He wanted to be my husband by leading me to Isaiah 54:5

"For your Creator will be your husband; the LORD of Heaven's Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.""


That Scripture made me realize that even if I never ever got married to a physical human, God is my husband. I was recently going through some of the things that the Lord led me to write down, while I was living in NYC, as He started to show me how being married to Him was preparing me to one day be married to my future spouse. That by submitting to God while single, I would be better able to submit to my future hubby. 


"My marriage to Christ is similar to what my marriage to my future hubby will be like:

I can't do all the things I used to do because my husband needs me and wants me to spend time with Him. I have to cook for Him and clean for Him. I can't stay out all night and keep Him up waiting. I need His permission to make big decisions and need His direction as well. He needs to approve of what I wear and at times maybe even how I style my hair. I must represent Him while in the streets in a good manner and not be tempted to look at other men because I am married and should only have eyes for my man. I have to watch what I say, think about, what shows or movies I watch or what music I listen to. I also need to be aware of who I am friends with because their behavior will ultimately affect mine. The best part about my marriage with God is that He is with me for life and not even death can tear us apart." 

We are called to be ambassadors for Christ no matter what season of our life we are in, single or married. How much easier and more fun would our time of singleness be if we treated God like He was our actual husband? If we invested in as much time to being in a relationship with God as we do with our human relationships? We wouldn't have time to be lonely because we would be too busy spending time with our Heavenly Father and doing what He has called us to do. You want to one day be married? Prepare yourself by learning how to submit to God first and make him a priority. Even after you do get married your relationship with God must still come first. We have to make sure that we fully recognize that the people that God places around us are just mere stewards of His love. He never intends for us to replace Him with our friends, boyfriends, family, or spouse. He must always remain #1. The great thing is that if your friends and spouse are truly saved they will point you right back to Christ anyway :) Now I'm not saying I have it all together because I fail daily but God is always there waiting for me with open arms, which makes me want to love and serve Him even more. There are days when I wake up when I literally tell God I'm tired and I don't feel like I doing this and you know what not only does He help change my attitude & He helps me see how blessed I am to have woken up because He definitely didn't have to do that!! I'm so glad that His mercies are new every morning!!!
 
So if you are struggling with being single, be honest with God and tell Him. You can literally just sit before Him and say "Lord I'm struggling with being content during this season of my life, I need your help. Please show me what I can be doing during this season to further my relationship with You, better serve you and your people, and truly enjoy the season of singleness that you have temporarily called me to." Ask Him to help you have the desire to be married to Him first before you pursue a relationship with a human. Seek Him for your purpose and then get busy doing whatever He shows you to do. The Lord will definitely honor your request and please don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen right away. Keep seeking Him until He answers. Everyday will be different and you will have highs and lows just like any other relationship but the best part is that God will never leave nor forsake you. Even when don't "feel" His presence or hear His voice God is still with you. Make your time with Him special. Have a weekly date night with Him and go to dinner or the movies or take a walk in the park or read Christian books. There are so many options. Also accountability is super important. You need someone that you can call or text that you can be honest with about your struggles and someone who can also celebrate your victories with. If you don't feel that you have someone like that in your life right now ask God to open your eyes and send women into your life who will be able to fill that position.

If you haven't figured it out by now the main theme of this blog is that being single is a once in a lifetime opportunity. It's a gift and a blessing not a curse.  Instead of sitting around saying woe is me or talking to randoms get out there and live, explore the world, try new foods or activities, get a new hobby, find free events to attend with your friends in your town, try eating healthier, go on dates with Jesus, learn how to cook, exercise, take steps towards walking in your purpose, learn how to budget and save money, find a family to babysit for, mentor younger women, volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen, serve in a ministry at your church, etc. The possibilities are endless. My friends and I love going to brunch after church and discussing the message or sharing sermons, stories, and testimonies to edify each other. We also keep in contact throughout the week to hold each other accountable. Start praying for your future spouse and even your future children now. Do a study on Biblical womanhood (Paul Washer & Voddie Baucham have some great teachings on this subject just to name a few).  Learn what it means to dress modestly. Most importantly spend time with God and allow Him to shape you into the women of God He has called you to be!!!

God knows your desire to be married and He also knows when the perfect time to bring your future spouse into your life is, when you will get engaged, married, even when you will have kids!! Just thinking about that makes me excited...God is awesome!! I don't know about you but I want to have a life to share with my future spouse!!! To be able to show him all the wonderful things God has been doing in me and through me!!! I'm not about to put my life on hold because I'm single.


Me with some of the women from my church headed to brunch after service!! 

I recommend the following books:

1. "Sacred Singleness: The SetApart Girl's Guide to Purpose and Fulfillment" by Leslie Ludy

                                                               

2. "Lady In Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting For Mr. Right" by Jackie Kendall and Debbie Jones
                                                                

3. "Pink Lips & Empty Hearts" by Heather Lindsey

                                                                

4. "Praying For Your Future Husband: Preparing Your Heart For His" by Robin Jones Gunn & Tricia Goyer
                                                                 

Here's a really great article on making the most of your single time: 
http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/single-satisfied-and-sent-mission-for-the-not-yet-married

Voddie Baucham sermon on Biblical Womanhood: http://youtu.be/EbvkphJO6sU

Paul Washer sermon: Recovering Biblical Womanhood https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O6JqqQCJQ8

Don't Waste Your Singleness (ChaseGod TV): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qwveeNk2vI

 
If you aren't content during your season of singleness getting into a relationship or married won't suddenly make you content. Learn to allow God to make you whole and complete while you are single so that won't depend on your future spouse to the fill the void that only God can truly fill or have all of these crazy expectations that he could never meet!

I pray that this helps you come to realize that God loves you like crazy and wants to spend time with you and use you for His glory during this precious time in your life!!!!!

Don't delay, grab a journal, get to writing, seek God like never before and enjoy your single season!!

Until next time,

Cierra :) 

 

 Me with some of my sisters in Christ after church a few weeks ago!!!! You can still be fabulous and modest at the same time!!!


P.S. If you need prayer or a word of encouragement or have questions feel free to post a comment or email me at cierracotton@gmail.com :) xoxoxoxoxo