Virginity, Purity, & Overcoming Lust

 

There are certain topics that some churches tend to shy away from, yet so many are sitting in service Sunday after Sunday suffering silently with "secret sins." Of course no sin is a secret to God (Psalm 44:22), but I believe we all have sins that we battle with, which unless we confessed it to others, no one would know about (1 Samuel 16:7). It may be lust, greed, worry, doubt, cheating, gossip, unforgiveness, covetousness, pride, drunkenness, masturbation, etc. Many have believed the lie from the enemy that they cannot be set free from such behavior. I know for a fact that this is not true for we serve a God through whom which nothing (not one thing) is impossible (Luke 18:27; Luke 1:37). Then there are others who want to be set free, but just don't know what steps to take.

For the past 2 months I have been writing a blog every Friday about various topics The Lord has placed on my heart. It has been hard, it has been great, it has been a learning experience, and it has been rewarding. As I sit here though, praying that The Holy Spirit speaks through every word on this page, I can't help but be thankful that God hasn't given up on me. You see I am not perfect and I fall every single day, but God continues to forgive me for my sins. There are issues that I deal with that you can't see on the outside, because it all occurs in my mind. Most people would look at me, hear my story, and think that I couldn't possibly struggle with lust, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, I am virgin and have never physically had sex, but I battled with keeping my thoughts pure for the longest time. To be honest, there are still times when I am tempted to fall back into my old habits. You may be asking what is lust? Why is it bad? Well let's look at the definition of the word:

LUST

A strong craving or desire, often of a sexual nature; idolatrous worship. Lust is not just related to sexual desires; you can lust after money, power, fame, material objects, etc. My encounter with lust pertained to fantasies in my mind that had I acted upon them would have been evil.

If you grew up in the church you probably heard "don't have sex" numerous times, but that was usually it. I know a lot of my peers thought they were safe as long as they didn't have sex; that everything else was permissible up to that point (kissing, heavy petting, and oral sex). This type of incomplete teaching caused me to take so much pride in being a virgin that I thought I was somehow better for not having had sex yet. I placed myself on this pedestal and developed this mindset that as long as I maintained my virginity then I was somehow in right standing with God. The crazy thing is that though I may not have physically committed the act, I had definitely committed it in my mind plenty of times. My heart and mind were filled with so much lust from the movies, songs, books, magazines, TV shows, and conversations I entertained with friends throughout high school and college. I used to hang pictures of Usher and other celebrity guys, showcasing their abs, on my walls and on my high school notebooks. At the time I had no idea anything I was engaged in was wrong or would lead to problems later on. Pretty much everyone around me was entertaining the same things and still professing to be "Christians." I knew God and had confessed Him as my Savior but didn't really understand His love for me. So I had no problem letting the 3 guys, I talked to back then, violate my body as long as they didn't cross that line and try to have sex with me. Well this type of behavior of almost going all the way, definitely didn't help my issue. I found my mind wandering time and time again in a direction that wasn't godly.

When I begin to walk closely with The Lord, 3 years ago, He showed me that being a virgin is not the same thing as being pure. The definition of purity is moral purity or purification: chastity. Guiltless, blameless, or innocent behavior. My behavior and thoughts had been everything but pure. There is something called mental adultery and I had committed it for years. 

Matthew 5:28-29

"But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye--even your good eye--causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."

I literally broke down and repented for it seemed like days as I begin to recall all the times that I had sinned in this manner against The Lord. My eyes were opened to see that I deserved hell for what I had done, but I'm so thankful that He forgives us when we confess our sins and repent (1 John 1:9).  He began to show me that He is evaluating not just our outward actions, but the thoughts and intentions of our hearts (Hebrews 4:12). There are plenty of Christians, both virgins and born-again virgins, walking around on this earth whose thoughts and hearts are filled with sexually impure thoughts and motives. Although you may not be physically committing the act, the thoughts alone are detestable in the eyes of God. When Jesus died on that cross, He paid the ultimate price and sacrificed His life so we could be free and whole. Our bodies, lives, and mind are no longer ours, but God's. We don't have to be ruled by the desires of our flesh any longer; we have an option to resist and turn away from all forms of temptation.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?  For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s."

Once I realized that I had a problem with lust, I had to take drastic measures to get rid of this sin in my life. That meant getting rid of pretty much all of the r&b &rap/hip hop music, that I loved so dearly at the time. As well as getting rid of movies that glorified sex, drugs, alcohol, clubbing, and improper relationships. Any books, magazines, and literature that promoted anything remotely close to sex had to go. I stopped going to see R-rated movies and even had to let go of some of my friendships. This wasn't an instant or overnight deliverance for me; I had to take action to guard my heart and put up boundaries. I had planted and watered so many lustful seeds in my heart, that it's almost as if I had to flush out all of the junk that I had poured into it for the past few years.  Whatever is in your heart will show in your mind and speech (Luke 6:45). I spent hours upon hours reading and meditating on the Word of God to counteract the thoughts I kept having. You see I have a very visual mind; I'm the type of person that as I'm in conversation with someone I am picturing what they are saying. After spending so many years engaging in conversation with people telling of their sexual encounters and escapades, I had to continually renew my mind (Roman 12:2).  There were many frustrating moments. I can recall a few times even being in church when all of a sudden improper sexual images would attack my mind and all I could do was put my head down and pray until they stopped.  I wanted to cry every single time, because I knew that it was wrong and wanted to stop, but there were layers and layers to my deliverance. Eventually the thoughts formed in my mind less and less, as I prayed more and more and continued to cry out and confess my thoughts to God. Now I have learned what my boundaries are and what types of things I cannot listen to, watch, and the types of places that I cannot go. Scriptures like Philippians 4:8,

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things"

have greatly helped me. Temptation is always present; we live in a world of it. Every day, television, movies, billboards, newspapers and magazines bombard us with lustful images. As believers though, we have the option to overcome the temptations that we face or to give in. God always offers us a way of escape, but we have to take it. 

1 Corinthians 10:13

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure."

James 1:13-15

"Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone.  But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death."

Matthew 26:41

"Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

James 1:14-15

"Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."

1 Peter 2:11

"Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul."

If we do not take the way of escape, then we can't blame God when we fall into sin. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO, WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED, IS TO WALK AWAY!   

Galatians 5:16

"This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh."

Don't watch that movie, listen to that song, go to that club or lounge, read that book, etc. Instead fill your heart and mind with Christian books, music, scripture, etc. If I'm out and I see something that may cause me to stumble, best believe that I am turning my head as quickly as I can. I know myself and how I am wired; I don't have time give the enemy a foothold into my mind. You have to cast down the thoughts as soon as they come:

2 Corinthians 10:5

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

We have to stop the thoughts as soon as they come, because the longer you dwell on sinful things, over time the less sinful they appear to be. It is possible to be pure in mind, body, and heart, but you have to fight to keep yourself from feeding your flesh. The more you starve your flesh and feed your spirit the less of a struggle it will become to remain pure.

Colossians 3:5

"So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don't be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world."

God has called us to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). The process of sanctification is something that will take the rest of our lives; we will never be perfect while living in this world. If you are struggling with lust or any form of sexual immorality, in addition to what I mentioned above, seeking accountability is helpful as well. The enemy wants you to think that you are all alone in your struggle, but you are not. God has placed (or will place if you ask Him) people around you to help you overcome your sin.  There is healing and deliverance found in confessing your sins to other Christians (preferably of the same sex) and their prayers availeth much (James 5:16). Meditating on Scriptures of repentance like these are great as well:

 Psalm 19:12-14

"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
    Cleanse me from these hidden faults. 

 Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
    Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
    and innocent of great sin.

 May the words of my mouth
    and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
    O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

Psalm 51:9-12

 "Don’t keep looking at my sins.
    Remove the stain of my guilt.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.
    Renew a loyal spirit within me. 

 Do not banish me from your presence,
    and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and make me willing to obey you."

 I wrote some tips on how to stay pure in a blog last year called Why I Am Waiting To Have Sex Until Marriage, which I would definitely encourage you to check out. I pray that reading this has helped you in some way shape or form. Just remember that as believers we may face temptation in this world, but we do not have to be slaves to it, because of the saving power and grace of Jesus Christ. If we are to remain pure we must seek God wholeheartedly and not adapt to the customs of the world we live in. I want God to get the glory out of my life and be able to used by Him, which only can happen if I keep myself pure. I'm not allowing anything to keep me from the calling that He has placed upon my life.

2 Timothy 2:21-22

"If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts."

Titus 3:3-7

Once we, too, were foolish and disobedient. We were misled and became slaves to many lusts and pleasures. Our lives were full of evil and envy, and we hated each other. But, when God our Savior revealed his kindness and love,  he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life."

 

I want to leave you all with this song called "Worth"  by Anthony Brown & Group Therapy that I have the honor of ministering to tomorrow at a conference!!!!

 

Until next time,

Cierra

 xoxo

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Email: cierracotton@gmail.com